There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her