So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.