What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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