I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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