I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
