is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize