hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
