dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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