Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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