I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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