No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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