Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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