I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
