Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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