Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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