Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
