You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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