It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
