If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
