i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
