were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
