how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jerry, you need to find god
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
they're like a gay fantastic four
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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