hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
