All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
