The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
