I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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