Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm going to jail i love you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
