just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
