sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am available for nakedness
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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