i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
