she woke up with a sticky ear
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
