I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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