i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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