Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
