we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want nice things and good sex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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