I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
