You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
