She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
