Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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