so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize