just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's just like the Real World with babies
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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