I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had to cum in my sink.
do nipples grow back?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
