then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
