I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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