I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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