Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just gargled with NyQuil
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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