Farmville is her only friend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
