hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
