one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
