So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
