I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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