Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am puke
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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