I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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