i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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