The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
