Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
