i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
