I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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