WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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