I hate all girls vehemently.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
