well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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