I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
