I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
