dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
