I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
