i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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