Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
