omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
