I just cut my nipple shaving
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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