I think my vagina is haunted
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
