she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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