Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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