I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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