I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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